Zombie Apocalypse: Oxnard High Edition

Well, seeing as this is my first blog post EVER, I'd start out with something recent. Last Monday, my compatriots and I decided that we'd keep in theme for Halloween this year as we travel to lands unknown. Upon pondering what we should do for a bit, the idea came at us like an Asian in a cafeteria smashing his TV and PS3 after losing to a Mexican who does nothing but play those types of games. We opted to explore the realm of the zombie apocalypse...but this time there would be a generic twist. We'd take a simple High School which my friends (and hopefully some of you viewers) are all familiar with, and use that as our setting. We decided to take numerous inside jokes and implement them into our campaign of pure awesome. Though seeing as our voyage of the ages was conceived in the last possible minute, many details have been left out.

It started off as any other day would have. My friends woke up, got dressed and went to school. The scene started off with my friend Max, who is the metalworking teacher on campus, Chester, a senior taking Freshman science for the 3rd time with his nemesis, Mr. Kedward, and our token Black Man (as of right now, his name is evading me), a junior, bassist for a local garage band (that seems to lack any talent other than him), taking College Preparatory U.S. History with the hippie teacher, Mr Peteresen. They're all doing what normal students and faculty members do in a Government-funded school. Chester, an avid gamer and self-proclaimed "expert" on zombie apocalypses, takes advantage of his first period class with Kedward by playing some online FPS game. Our token Black Man is busy being a stereotypical lazy student. Sitting in the back of the class, chatting with other students, hiding his phone under the desk so he can text...even though it's so obvious when students do that...but I digress. Max, the metalworking teacher, gruff, hardcore, and the quintessential paragon of manliness began teaching his course on making medieval weapons of both Far Eastern and Western cultures (how they allow that in the curriculum is beyond me). A few minutes into first period, Principal Edwards went on the intercom and announced all the teachers to turn on the television.

(Warning: This next part might offend people, but I'd like to note that this does not reflect my opinion on the subjects)

Naturally, Kedward turns on FOX News to hear Glenn Beck's position on what's going down. He states that the world is in a state of emergency. A deadly virus has spread across the globe...and it's the Mexicans crossing the border that are to blame. The "unknown diseases from across the border" have mutated to affect the entire globe with it's infectious powers. He proposed a country-wide quarantine to prevent the virus from spreading too rapidly to stop. This placed the students in a state of panic. Edwards then declared an emergency lockdown of the entire school. The lockdowns proceeded as they all do. Teachers lock their doors, turn off the lights and tell the children to hide under their desks as if a nuclear bomb is about to drop on them at any moment. The next few scenes left me flabbergasted. After some momentary silence, there was a knock on Petersen's door. In a hippie fashion and fearing for his life, he requests for our Black Man to go answer the door. Being unaware of the danger of the current situation, he casually walks over to the door and opens it. Before him stood a girl, about 5'5'', scantily clad in nothing more than a a white top which revealed her black laced bra, extremely short jeans shorts, and the oh so fashionable UGG boots. Oh, I can't forget the signature "yellow jacket" hall pass which clearly distinguished her from every other living creature on the planet. The little girl stood there staring blankly at the ground for a few seconds. To break the awkward silence, Black Man had her enter the room to speak with Mr. Petersen directly (big mistake). I think we all know what happens next, but I'll go ahead and say it anyways. As Mr. Petersen greets her, she lunges at him and clamps down on his neck with her "not" rotting teeth. The class then runs out in an un-orderly fashion leaving a dying teacher and our Black Man left. Despite all the human instincts concerning self-preservation, he decides to scavenge the teacher's belongings for any "special" brownies. The zombie then spots him and begins slowly drifting towards him. So the next move would be to dodge her and run out the door, right? Well that's not the case with my friend here. He instead traps himself in the back corner of the room. Thank goodness he's a bassist though. He manages to swing his axe of +1 zombie bashing to utterly crush the she-devil. Personally, I thought that should have been the end of him, but through some miracle of fate, he somehow survived it.

If you thought that was bad, then any Freshman readers beware this next part. The scene begins again with a knock on the door. This time, it was Kedward's class. As everyone hid under the desks, Chester continued to play his game. Prior to all this madness, Kedward was busily checking everyone's binders. When he appeared before Chester, he let out an exasperated sigh and asked, "Where's your binder?" in his distinct Australian accent only to find out that he didn't even bother to bring his binder with him. I swear it's remotely relevant. After a short pause from the knocking on the door, Kedward demands Chester answer the door. Why on earth the teachers are asking their students to answer the door is still beyond me...THERE ARE ZOMBIES ATTACKING. Anyways, he begrudgingly ends his gaming session and quickly opens the door and returns to his seat. Kedward, becoming furious with him, decides to answer the door himself. He steps out into the hall to have a little talk with the person. Suddenly, his booming voice goes silent. A few of the students, worried about what might have happened to their teacher, questioningly exit the room to see if he was still there. In mere moments they return to the classroom looking ravenous.(More will be published after class)